I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
