I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
