it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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