Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
