You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
