Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
