hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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