I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
