I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
