How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
