big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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