And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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