If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
