What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
