you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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