FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
