She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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