I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
