Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
