I wish they made helmets for livers.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
