Only a mothe r could love this liver
are you so shy because you have an std?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
