i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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