So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
