Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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