He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
