Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
