I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
