you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize