It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
