I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
