if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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