that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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