Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
