I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize