Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its about making memories worth repressing
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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