There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
