you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
