I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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