His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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