Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
