Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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