New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize