he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
