oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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