I just pynch a tree in the face
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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