His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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