I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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