I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
