Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
