you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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