Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
