I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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