you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
