were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Couch. On fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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