ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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