Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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