He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
