We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
50% drunk capacity currently
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize