gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
