My sheets look like a crime scene.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
