The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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