in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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