The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize