On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
