What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
