My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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