Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
