oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize