OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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