My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize