I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize