so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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