dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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