I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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