Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
