Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
