if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
