The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
