Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you have to choose: penises or morals?
time to smoke my breakfast
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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