I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
