its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
