if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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