ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
