I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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