I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
