i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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