Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
