we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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