your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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