i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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