You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
