my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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