Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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