Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
