living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she looked like the before picture.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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