tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
