As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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